It was a few days ago, (two or three, I can't remember,) and for the past week or more Ann, (Vu's mom,) had been stealing Zoey from me as soon as she woke up and keeping her most of the day, and for too long of stretches in between letting her back in her cage. I told her a few times that Zoey needs to be in her cage more, and took her a few times downstairs myself, saying she had been upstairs too long. Zoey would chirp while upstairs still, but she began acting funny one day, after having been very clingy to Vu and I the few days before. Then she not only stopped wanting to come out of cage and would bite like crazy to prevent it, but seemed very scared in general. It really started to worry me, but nothing about her life was different other than being upstairs so darn much. So when Ann said once while Vu and I were eating upstairs that she was going to get Zoey and bring her up, I told her that Zoey's been upset, hasn't been wanting to come out of her cage, and that I wanted to let her stay in her cage until she flies out on her own. So guess what happened?

Ann went downstairs empty-handed, and shortly after I heard, to my horror, her talking to Zoey as she... brought her upstairs!!! I was beside myself. I went to the top of the stairs and reminded Ann that I wanted Zoey to stay in her cage until she flies out on her own, and to please put Zoey back. She, having a sly, smug and selfish look on her face, half closed her eyes, turned her head to Vu, and while staring at him with that SMIRK on her face, obviously wanting him to back her up, slowly said that she Zoey was fine and that she thought it would be good for her. I couldn't believe what I was seeing and hearing, my blood was boiling, and I was furious, but kept my cool and tact. I then politely told her to please respect my wishes, and that Zoey was MY bird. With that same, gosh-awful look on her face and that smile, she slowly nodded, still looking at Vu a few more times, and slowly said that if that's what I want, and that she's my bird, that she'd bring her back downstairs.

My blood is boiling right now just thinking about it. I had shocked and horrified and furious faces at Vu trying to express what I was feeling, and then couldn't look at her when she came back upstairs without Zoey.

That blatant and horrible disrespect reminded me all too well of living with Tina and all them, and when I went downstairs I couldn't do anything out of intense feeling but lay on the bed, and feel it, and cry. I just couldn't adequately express to Vu what I was feeling. And it made several other, very negative, feelings come up.

Lately I've been struggling a lot with maintaining hope. I've been losing hope, nearly all of it, and it puts me into a nasty state of despair. Now that I'm so close to having what I've... I just can't express how horribly, NEEDED... I'm facing a lot of old and deep-rooted emotions that are resurfacing in an awful way. Really and truly, I feel that I have so little reserves within me that I can't extend myself to others in the least for the moment. I hate it, but I'm just that weak. *tears up and bites lip* And so, triggered by that AWFUL disrespect, I was set off on another bout of hopelessness, despair, pain and anger, that stayed with me all that day and the next.

So Zoey's been staying in her cage, slowly getting more social, happy and playful, came out once with me, being very affectionate, but then flew to her other cage shortly after, and today, with me playing music both of us really like and with both of us singing along, she's quite happy, extremely playful and chirpy, and though she still doesn't want to leave her cage, is in a great mood. :)

Oh... and Ann told Vu and I that she's been looking at parakeets in the stores, and that she wants to get TWO of her own someday. When she told me she obviously wanted a response on this, but I refused to react because it would only have been negative, and instead showed her the parakeet care book I have and told her how important it is to be educated about birds before buying one. But this is what I'm thinking: Zoey needs a birdie friend and God hasn't shown me which one to get; if Ann does get parakeets, and if her health gets worse, those birds might end up in my and Vu's care, and become the feathered friends that Zoey needs. And maybe that's part of why God hasn't given her a friend yet. I mean, three birds are enough, especially if Vu and I have children in the next... TEN years! lol Four would be a BIT much! lol

As for myself, I've been bit by an anxiety bug about getting ready to move, was up till 5:30 this morning organizing Vu's mountain in the office, and then after a few hours of sleep I've been cleaning today with more energy and vigor than I've been able to do in many months, the anxiety of having things ready for moving hanging over my head and supplying me with the adrenaline that's keeping me awake and moving. Good for my emotional health and for the house and such, but this is the kind of thing that kills my body, (har har). Oh well. Zoey and I are in great spirits today, and I'm going to get back to the cleaning!