I had written this originally in a message to a friend, but thought I'd post it here for all to read.

Vu's dad came down to me earlier and asked me if I thought his mom was okay. We then got into talking about how I believe she's clinically paranoid and is getting worse all the time. He was shocked and dismayed, but I think believed it. Vu thinks it too now. He explained how she thought the company she quit from was playing a game with her through the Food Network, but only before noon. While he was expressing his concerns to me and getting my feedback she popped down and told me how she just wanted the TV off, and how he was telling her he wanted to sell the house and divorce her when Vu and I move out. He did tell her those things, but knowing he's not a strong individual internally I don't blame him. He can't handle her anymore and just wants to jump ship. She won't listen to him when he tells her things aren't what she perceives and he's tired of trying and living with it.

His brother died just three or four days ago, and Vu's mom got the phone call in the morning. She thought they were lying, and didn't tell him about it until late that evening. Because of that delay he wasn't able to make a plane out to Vietnam for the funeral and so just stayed home. She still doesn't believe it, and was denying it all the while he was grieving. I didn't know till he told me this morning that she was the reason he couldn't go to the funeral. It's just awful.

So I told him that I believe she's clinically paranoid, (my dad was as well as some of his friends- I'm familiar with mental illness,) and said that she needs help and maybe some medications would work. I hate meds and know how awful they mess with you and how incompetent psychiatrists can be from my dad's experiences, (he was a zombie most of the time from them,) but what other help is there? I need to research that and stuff... and pray more for her, and Vu too, but that might be the best thing for her.

And what if his dad does divorce her? She can't survive on her own. Really. She can't hold a job, and even with all the money in the world she can't manage some simple things. She got the car stuck in shelving in the garage some months ago while trying to back out of it. She scratched the side all up and it was so jammed in there the shelving all had to be dismantled in the cold weather by his dad. She couldn't handle a traffic ticket without Vu and I either. And I've had help her talk with her old work and her bank. Vu's dad is tired of it and doesn't want to try anymore. All her friendships have died and she can't get along with her family, (fault going both ways.)

She's asked Vu and I a million times if we would take care of her if something happened to her. I can't stand living with her myself. I would HATE to have her live with us if they divorced. I couldn't stand it. I NEED NEED NEED NEED NEED, (can't emphasize that enough,) to be independent, have my own place that I control, (with Vu of course!) and do things ONLY MY WAY!!! (With Vu of course. lol) I'm not a control freak, but I'm DEAD SICK of doing everything someone else's way and living under them and with their stuff and in their environment. I need that in so many ways.

So where would she go and who would care for her? I don't want to abandon her or anything, but if I CAN'T have her live with us.... And how could we refuse her if she has no where else to go and no one else in her life, period??? Ugh. My mother is obese and poor because she can't take care of herself, (she makes good money too, now,) and she worried me enough... but a mentally ill, paranoid, controlling Vietnamese woman who thinks she's still in the "old country," can't speak English well after all these years, with no social skills, who can't work, doesn't respect privacy... on and on it goes. WHAT DO WE DO??? Send her to a group home?? She thinks she's perfectly sane, but that everyone's out to hurt her: doctors and dentists and strangers, us, etc.

Vu's dad revealed to me today that he only opposed our quick marriage because he knew we'd have to live with her while he finished school. I had no idea. He had cited other reasons at the time.

....