The other day Vu's dad, Ken, came to us and said that he turned on the TV and Ann, Vu's mom, got upset and wanted it off because she believes that the company she quit from was trying to play games with her through the TV before noon, and that he was going to switch to cable because she related it to the satellite dish. He also said not to leave any papers or anything out for her to see because she's been getting funny ideas about them.

A bit later she came down to talk to Vu and I and pointed to three things we had out, (a bag of bought stuff to be brought into the laundry room, a file with papers for me to fill out, and a pile of three things including a car brochure, wet naps, and a DVD,) and said that the pile "looks like travel" and was worried about it, and said that the bag and the file also were something concerning and were like messages to her about something bad. I then firmly pointed out what all those things were, what they were doing there, and that they had nothing to do with her. She listened to me but didn't change her mind.

Then she began talking about the TV again and said that "they're trying to do something stupid to me," saying that she thought TV shows and a movie were being written about our family and just to play games with her. She said that they used both my and Vu's names in it but that it was all directed to her. I then told her that, "the TV is not out to hurt you," that the TV companies are not watching us and making shows about us, that they don't care about us or her, are only out to get money from everyone, and that lots of people have our names. Even with direct confrontation about her absurd paranoias she still insisted they were true. I was flabbergasted. We knew she was getting bad, but not THAT bad!!

And just like she didn't believe it when Ken's family told her his brother died, she brought up to us later that day, (she keeps coming down to talk to us about her crazy ideas,) that her sister had left a message on the answering machine crying and saying that her aunt in Vietnam fell, had a stroke, and can't talk now. She didn't believe that either, but decided that she would send money to the aunt anyway. She thought both her family and Ken's family were talking together and concocting ploys to try to do harm to or just play with her. She believes it so strongly, just based on how they sounded and that her sister didn't cry when her mom died, that she doesn't care to make a few calls to see if it's true or not. She might not have even told Vu's dad that first day about his brother, or even at all because of it. I think she only told him because she wanted to share how she thought they were playing games with her.

She also said that she's seeing "1, 2, 3, 4" everywhere and how 1 means "healthy," 2 means "travel," 3 means "being real," and 4 meant some vague concept I can't even remember. Vu and I had left a video store card on the table for his dad with the bottom side up, which had numbers on it. She saw that and thought it was a sign for her of something bad and that the numbers meant something. Then Ken brought home yesterday a paper from work explaining how to write various kinds of letters like sympathy or thank you ones, and he told Vu and I that she thought that was something very important and will read it very carefully and then thirty minutes go back and read it carefully again. Then this morning Vu commented on how it's so nice and sunny out, and after thinking on it for maybe an hour, while she was cooking ramen and tofu on the stove, (it was boiling a little,) she wanted to go downstairs to talk to Vu. I told her he was in the bathroom, but she still went leaving the ramen, found him in the bathroom so went back up; but then later when he was up she told him how she thought it was sunny yesterday just like today. He said that it was cloudy yesterday, but she insisted it was sunny and was concerned about it. She left food that cooks very quickly boiling on the stove to go downstairs to Vu, who I told her was in the bathroom, just to tell him she disagreed about the weather yesterday.

Vu's dad, who was talking about divorce angrily before, is now tearing up a bit when talking to Vu and I about it and saying that after we move out in two months, if she's still really bad, he'll take her to a doctor. I'm not sure it can wait that long. It's getting worse exponentially and is very difficult to deal with. He missed his brother's funeral because of it! So he told us not to leave anything out for her to get funny ideas about and told Vu to tell her not to cook for us anymore, (which we already did but she still does nearly daily.) He's going to switch to cable also and see if she stops worrying about the TV.

He kept apologizing to me and gets worried it's hurting me somehow. He just feels bad I married into the situation, which is kind, but then again it's allowed me to stay home with her, help her, watch over her, and give her socialization that she couldn't have gotten otherwise and probably needed. It's also been good for her in that I brought my birdie-girl, Zoey, to the house, and that bird has become her main source of joy and given her something to play with and think good thoughts about. She nearly cries when she talks about how much she loves that bird, and she's a few times a day mentioning how she always wants to see her. She thinks everything else is out to get her, and even says that Vu and I don't love his parents and that by staying to ourselves much of the time we're being, "not normal." It seems that she's starting to develop some funny ideas about that now. She thinks we don't act like a family even though, as I've pointed out to her, we're newly married adults who just want to start our own lives together. Maybe part of that is her being stuck in the Vietnamese culture, where the daughter-in-law gets absorbed like a real daughter into her husband's family and everyone lives together.

In thinking about Vu and I potentially taking her in if they divorce, I realized with these recent incidents that even with meds she probably will need to have constant professional care, and that it MIGHT even prove somewhat dangerous to try to raise children in the same house as her. Who knows what directions the paranoia will take her?? If she thought I was doing "something not normal," with the kids and that I was trying to hurt them or her, who knows, she might try to take them from me. You just never know, and that's not safe. So I concluded because of all that that we just can't take her in ourselves. Not that we wanted to anyway, but still. In fact, if it keeps getting worse, (and I know that meds even specifically for paranoia really don't do much from my dad and his friends,) it will probably be within the next year that she'd need to go somewhere like a group home... maybe half year. And there as well, since she truly does believe she's logical and sane, they can force her to take medication. The state and Vu's dad would pay for it, and maybe Vu and I will help with that someday.

We're all in shock, and Vu keeps contemplating how nobody knew her life would end up like this. The seriousness of it all but guarantees to Vu and I that his dad will eventually divorce her. He could move on with his life, though I'm sure he'd still make sure she was taken care of. Why, but for legal reasons, would he remain married to her if she was so bad she had to live in a group home? They wanted to divorce many years ago but told Vu they were staying together only for his sake. Even if she wasn't mentally ill he was going to divorce her after Vu moved out and got a job. And then to think of what life with her in a Home would be like- with visiting her and taking her for "trips" out of the home and to visit us, with our kids having a grandfather who's long dead, (my father,) a grandmother who's in a home and mentally ill, a grandmother who's obese, can hardly walk far or do many stairs, who's mind is slowly going and might end up with dementia and who made herself poor while making good money, (my mother,) and then a grandfather who'll probably move to Seattle and not care much about keeping in contact, (Vu's dad.) And then for Vu's parents to not speak English that clearly, (and his mom not very well at all.) It's just a bleak picture. It does make one feel deprived to have messed up grandparents you can't see very often... or at least, I felt that way because of my dad's parents who lived in Iowa and only wanted to see my cousin, who wasn't a child of the black sheep, (my father.) It's just not a pretty picture to have of the future.

Just felt like sharing; didn't mean to get anyone in a down mood over it. Sorry if it did.